After I posted my blog on Friday morning, my day took a HUGE WRONG TURN. I had a horrible afternoon and basically had a “break-down” for a little while. Thankfully, one of my friends and co-workers, Veronica, (who has been here for me a lot lately) was with me to calm me down and talk to me through it all. She knew all the right things to say, and I am so thankful that I have her in my life. I was upset about multiple things, not just this competition prep, but the things I was worried about were weighing pretty heavily on my mind. I sometimes feel like every time I start to feel good and on top of the world, that I’m quickly pulled right back down, but hey…that’s life, right? So after talking to Veronica and speaking with Sulli, and being in a weird mood all day at work, I NEEDED the gym. The gym is so extremely therapeutic to me, especially on crappy days – that’s when I really need it the most. I arrived at the gym and Sandy was the first person that I saw, she quickly told me to show her my smile, and I said, “I’m not sure I have one to show.” I went to the bathroom to get changed, and headed out into the gym for our training session. Sandy could see that something was really bothering me, and she pulled me aside to talk about things. I began explaining to her everything that had been bothering me, and we talked through it. With three pep talks and the gym atmosphere, I was ready to roll! Lol We killed shoulders and then crushed some triceps! While working triceps, I had “worms” EVERYWHERE in my arms! (Veins, people!) lol I seriously freaking LOVE seeing my veins come out, and let me tell you, they were OUT like I’ve never seen! Whew! That alone had me super pumped up lol While doing 35 pound tricep kickbacks (yes, I said 35 pounds!!)Sandy and Brad (another PT at Monster Gym – my very first trainer) commented on my arms/veins and how cool they were looking – I totally agreed and was so pumped that they could see them too! After the gym, I headed out to tan, then home to shower, eat, meal prep for Saturday, and SLEEP!! Saturday morning, I had to work from 8:45am-1pm, and then attended a baby shower. After the baby shower, I was hanging out with family, when my phone went off. It was a text message from Sandy saying she had sent the new phase of my diet. Automatically, my stomach dropped – this was the diet change that I’ve been terrified about receiving for quite a while now. However, when I opened up the attachment, I was pleasantly surprised! My new phase of the meal plan really is not that bad at all, and I was extremely excited to get started on it the next day! So after I hung out for a bit at Sulli’s house, I headed to Nutrition Depot to go ahead and get all of the things I would need for this new phase of my meal plan, and then I went to Massage Envy for a massage (THANKS MOM)! I requested a deep tissue, relaxation massage and my appointment lasted for a solid hour. Sandy was right - My body needed that massage so badly! During the massage, the masseuse started talking to me about my body, and how “athletic” and “jacked” I looked – all I could think was YOU AIN’T SEEN NUTHIN’ YET! Lol She was super nice though, and I was able to share my journey with her and even motivated her a little bit, which was pretty cool. I am all about helping people realize the person they COULD be, if they are willing to work for it. We chatted for a while, and then it was time for me to leave. After leaving the massage place, I headed to Wal-Mart (hate that place)! I didn’t have a grocery list, all I had was the attachment of the meal plan that Sandy had sent me – but that was all I needed. I started zooming around all the isles, collecting everything I needed. I swear it felt like Christmas to receive that new phase, and I was like a kid in a candy store while grocery shopping (really ironic, since I can’t have candy right now lol). I unloaded all of the groceries into my Jeep and headed home. Side note: Have you ever thought about how annoying grocery shopping can be? I mean really; you get dressed, drive to the store, go pick out things you want, LOAD them into the buggy, UNLOAD them onto the conveyor belt, LOAD the back into your buggy, UNLOAD them into your car, then UNLOAD them into the house, then UNLOAD them from their bags and put everything in its place…wow. Lol Can we skip a step anywhere?? So anyway, once I got home and unloaded groceries for like the fifth time, I began cooking my proteins and veggies. My mom had told me that she wanted to take me shopping Sunday morning, and I really didn’t want to have to get up at the crack of dawn to get my workout in, so I decided that instead, I would just go later than evening after all of my food had been cooked. With everything cooked, portioned out, and packed, I was ready for the gym – much to my surprise, my little brother, Brad, flew out of his room saying that he was going to go with me. It was around 10:40 or so at night, and he wanted to go – pretty cool. We both drank some 360 pre-workout on the way to Snap, and then it was on. He did abs, chest, and cardio, while I did cardio, hip/thigh, and abs. We were in and out of there within a little over an hour. Good workout! Sunday morning, I woke up early to have my first meal and then laid back down for a while and watched a little TV. Full House was on – an oldie, but a goodie, and I watch it almost every morning that I have time to! After the episode I was watching was over, I got dressed for the day…and another NON-SCALE VICTORY occurred! I went to put on my new-ish size one-two pair of jeans that I was so stoked to be able to buy a little over a month ago (never been that small), and without even realizing it until they were up – I saw that I had never even unbuttoned OR unzipped them while putting them on! WHAT?! Tooo freaking cool! I was so happy about those jeans that I basically ran out of my room to tell my mom, but something stopped me before I could get it out; my mom had a NON-SCALE VICTORY of her own! She had “crap butt” in the capris she was wearing! WOOHOOO, mom! She’s losing weight too, and those capris are going to have to go soon! So proud of her! That’s so awesome to me! So, I complimented my mom and talked to her about her progress, then told her about my victory – she was so happy for me. We were both super happy, and headed out for our “Mommy and Me” shopping trip. My mom and I don’t get a lot of “mommy and me” days anymore, so when we do, they are always extremely special to me. A lot of people will never be able to understand the bond that we share and that’s fine with me –it’s our bond, not theirs. My mom has been my rock my whole life, and no one could ever replace her in my eyes. More than her being my rock though, she’s been my best friend. Besides Sulli, my mom is my only other best friend…and again, I’m perfectly fine with that. For our day-date, we went to Academy to pick up some late birthday gifts for me, from my mom (there was a glitch in ordering some of my workout clothes, so instead, we got to go pick them out together). We started shopping for the coveted Nike Pro shorts that I freaking LOVE, but I quickly became aggravated, because there was nothing in my size. There were only 2 pair of the Nike Pro’s that would fit me, so we grabbed them both – then my mom had a pretty good idea (as usual) and suggested we look in the little girl’s section. At first, I thought she was freaking crazy. I told her, “Really mom? There’s no way those things will fit me.” We headed over to the little girls section and started searching. Of course, the Nike Pro shorts in little girls section are long like bicycle shorts – umm…no thanks lol We started looking all around and found a couple of really, really cute pairs; 2 from BCG & 1 from Under Armour…both size MEDUIM (8/10) in LITTLE GIRLS!! Nervous as all get out, I took the shorts into the dressing room and started sliding them up my legs, not ever looking down to see them get stuck on my thighs – however, they didn’t get stuck, in fact, they slid right up! They fit…PERFECTLY! AND were cheaper! OH. MY. GOSH. SCOOORRREEEE!! The Academy shopping trip was a huge success – I got 5 new pairs of workout shorts! After we checked out, we threw the bag into the car and walked next door to Burlington to shop for some casual and work clothes, but my excitement wasn’t there anymore. I HATE shopping for work clothes, and the casual clothes section was really limited in my size…so I basically followed my mom around the whole entire time. Lol We were in that store for almost an hour and a half, and all we walked out with was an $18 shirt – that’s it! By the time we were leaving the store, it was almost time for my next meal. I had brought my pink and zebra lunch kit with me, with my next meal all ready to go…just in case I didn’t make it back home in time to eat…again, PREPARATION IS KEY! I knew my mom was hungry, and I honestly wasn’t ready for our day out to be over with, so I did something that most of you may find crazy – I suggested we go to Salt Grass Steakhouse. I know my mom loves that place (my WHOLE family does) and I knew she needed to eat something. She said no, she didn’t want me to have to sit through that, and I told her that I wanted to. So, we arrived at Salt Grass and I made her take a picture of me, holding up my lunch kit, in front of the restaurant lol I want people to know that they CAN do this! When we got inside and were seated, they brought me my water, and placde a HUGE loaf of bread on the table…with butter. OH WOW – I LOVE BREAD!! CARBS!! WHITES!! Aggghhh!! Nope, I would NOT do it! (Plus, there’s no way my mom would’ve let me! Lol So, here comes the waiter looking at me - waiting for me to order, and I begin to explain to him that I was going to need him to heat up my food. He looked at me so weird, and asked me why I was doing that, and what exactly I had to have. I began to explain to him that I was in training for my first figure competition, and I told him what I needed to eat. He said ok, and then said he would be right back. A few minutes later, a manager approached our table and began speaking. I thought, “Oh great – here we go – they’re going to tell me they can’t do that.” Boy was I wrong! The manager told me that they would gladly portion out my stuff for me and would cook it exactly how I needed it cooked, in order to stay on track. Chicken was my protein for this meal, and Salt Grass does not marinade their chicken breast strips at all (unlike their whole chicken breast) and they were able to portion out exactly the amount that I needed and cooked it on the grill – no seasonings, no oils, no nothing – just plain jane chicken…and OMG it was amazing! My mom and I had a great lunch and enjoyed some good conversation, and then it was time to head back home. When I got back home, I did some more meal prepping and portioned out more of my meals and put them into my Isolator containers for the work week. After more meal prepping and some housework, I practiced posing for a little while. I must say, after watching the 2013 Olympia, where Nicole Wilkins won MISS FIGURE OLYMPIA and Dana Bailey won MISS PHYSIQUE OLMPIA, I really understand the whole posing concept a little better. I really tried to pay attention to every little detail while Nicole was posing in the figure division, and today at posing practice, I plan on showing Kim my newly acquired skills lol Let’s hope I nail them and that she’s impressed!! This morning, I was at the gym at 4am and trained, as well as got my whole workout for the day in, then drove to train another client…all before getting ready for work or eating breakfast. After breakfast, I relaxed and watched some Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (thanks to Sulli for getting me hooked). After the show was over, it was time for me to head out and I was on a mission this morning; to go to TARGET! I was down to my last few pieces of sugar-free gum, and that’s just NOT ok with me…this was a NECESSARY trip! Lol I ended up buying like 6 or 7 different flavors and got around 16 packs in all lol yes, I know that’s a bit obsessive, but unless you are going through what I am, then honestly, I don’t want to hear it! It’s MY thing – not yours! After checking out with my stacks and stacks of gum, I walked over and ordered a plain black, bold roast coffee from Starbucks and was on my way. Great Monday morning! :) Today after work, my schedule is pretty calm – for once. YAY! I have posing practice at 5:30pm, and then have a tanning appointment. Other than that, my plans are to prep for tomorrow and to just hangout. Dieting as of now is going freaking great and I’m excited about it. I like the new phase a lot so far, am taking it day by day, and am ready to start seeing even more results! Workouts are going great also, and although my energy has been a bit down, due to cutting the carbs, I’m hanging in there and I’m still in this thing! I’m so happy that I have a physical reminder of this journey and that I am stronger than I sometimes feel...and I wear my Probody4Her bracelet from Sandy every single day…I’m FIGHTING FOR IT!! At Salt Grass with my lunch kit!! <3
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Whoa. As of today, I’m exactly 5 weeks out from my competition; scary stuff.
At 5 o’clock yesterday I headed out towards Monster Gym. I drank my 360 pre-workout and listened to some music on the way and tried to get as mentally prepared for leg day as you can lol I arrived to the gym about 12 minutes earlier than my training with Sandy began, so I jumped up on the stairs and got in 10 minutes of my 40 minute cardio that was required. After my cardio “warm-up” it was time to begin training. We started with leg extensions and worked our way into some squats, and then leg press. During leg press my back started giving me some trouble, but I powered through. Every set counts from here on out and sometimes knowing that in the back of my mind makes all the difference. After training legs, my thighs and butt were on fire, but I wasn’t done working out yet. I climbed back up on the stairs and knocked out another 30 minutes of cardio. I’m not sure if I’ve told you all this or not yet, but I freaking HATE cardio – like literally, I DESPISE it! It’s not fun, it takes forever, and it’s boring as all get out. I don’t know how some people go to the gym and only do cardio – thinking it’s going to get them in tip-top shape – and on top of that, they’re only doing like 20 minutes of it, if that. Gosh, that really must be boring! I would much rather be lifting heavy crap than to be pedaling, climbing, or running my little heart out…any day! So, cardio and hip/thigh workouts were complete, and it was time to train abs. I chose 3 different (intense) ab workouts, and did 3 sets of 15 of each of them. My abs usually never feel sore – not the way they did when I first started working out. In fact, sometimes I don’t feel the burn with as many reps as I’m supposed to do, so I’ll do more until I get that feeling. I just like to know that I’m actually working! I’m realizing more and more with each workout that I am stronger than I think I am, by doing stuff just like that – pushing myself harder than I was told to. After the entire workout was complete for yesterday, I headed home. Soon as I got home, I showered, packed my gym back for the next day, put my work clothes for Friday on some hangers, put all of my food in containers, ate dinner while I relaxed and watched some TV, talked to Sulli, and then I laid down. I was literally exhausted. My whole entire body was sore and achy and I just wanted to go to sleep, but my mind had other plans. Last night, I struggled pretty badly mentally, and there were times that I literally wanted to just break down and cry. Of course, it didn’t help that I was exhausted and couldn’t sleep…at all! My mind kept racing about anything and everything you could imagine. I was thinking about plans that I have coming up, about everything I need to get done this week, about training my clients, about the workouts that I had been doing, about the stupid problem area on my hips that I need to get down, about the fact that my body is being extremely stubborn and holding a lot of water, that I need to get sleep, that my competition is so close – yet so far away, that I need to practice posing this weekend, that I have a baby shower to attend also this weekend, that I need to spend more time with my family, that I don’t like the way my nails look, that I need more workout shorts, that my hair being tied up on top of my head was bothering me, that the room seemed too hot, blah, blah, freaking blah! OMG! I just wanted to yell, ‘SHUT UP!!” I remember looking over at the clock and seeing that it was midnight, and guess what…I was still freaking wide awake. This has GOT to stop! I had my alarm set for 3:10am, and that’s what time I got up. Ya, I know that’s a little crazy and getting up that early was honestly the last thing I wanted to do - especially running on about 3 hours of sleep, but it’s what had to be done. I needed to train my two regular clients, get in my own cardio, hip/thigh, and ab workouts, and then meet a third client that I picked up today. So, I got to the gym around 3:45am, with not a soul in sight. I had the whole gym to myself for about 10-15 minutes and got in all of my ab and hip/thigh work. My two clients arrived, and we had a great workout this morning. They worked chest and shoulders today, and did freaking awesome! I was so proud of them for pushing through! When I was done training them, we all did some cardio together (woohoo – stupid cardio lol), then I was off again to meet another client. I met this young lady this morning for the first time. She really touched my heart with her story and I can’t wait to help her start seeing some results! Since I began this whole personal training career on the side, I have been extremely inspired. I feel like I have this passion burning so deeply to help people feel good about their self, that I just want to train everyone I possibly can! Lol I just want to help others become the best they can be. I want to see the look of accomplishment and pride in their eyes. I want to see them be confident within themselves. I want them to know that they can do it and that they are worth it. Side note: Although I am very dedicated to helping others out with their journey, I had to make a selfish decision; I will take exactly 2 weeks off of training clients, beginning October 28th, the week of my competition. I have no clue what will be going on that final week of preparation, but I know that I will have no room for distraction. I need to be focused on me, my diet, my training, and my prepping in that final week. Also, since I will be flying out of town literally the day after my competition, I will also need to pack (oh what a joy)! Lol In addition to taking that time off, I will also be taking time off from my blog while I am on vacation. After my competition, it’s Sulli’s time to shine again, and I’m going to be there for him 110% just like he ALWAYS is for me! After training everyone this morning, I got ready for work, ate my breakfast, and relaxed while watching TV and drinking a cup of coffee. Mornings have become one of my most favorite parts of the day (besides gym time), because it’s time for ME - Time to relax – Time to unwind from my morning routine and time to revamp before work. Some people ask me why I get up so early, and how do I do it. It’s pretty simple. I set an alarm, I wake up, and I get crap done. Period. That’s it. I used to be the total opposite of a morning person, and would literally sleep in until the very last second. If my alarm would go off and I could sleep for 2 more minutes, well, I would. Not now though. I just feel like my whole day is wasting away if I don’t get up early during the week days. The weekends – now, that’s another story. Some Saturdays and Sundays, I will allow myself to sleep in until like 8am or 9am, other days – I’m still up early. In my opinion, it’s better to get stuff done and over with early, that way you have the rest of the day to do whatever – but hey, that’s just me. Sandy text me yesterday asking if I would be willing to stay about 15 minutes over our scheduled training time today to work shoulders and triceps, and of course I agreed. This basically means that we are going to murder shoulders tonight, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I’ve noticed lately that the workouts are getting tougher – either they are getting more difficult, or I’m just becoming more tired with the lack of carbs, either way – each day has a new struggle. Today, my struggle is sleepiness! Lol Plus, my body is super sore and I’m in desperate need of a massage – DEEP TISSUE , please!! Although it should be illegal to work on Saturdays, I have to work tomorrow (only for 4 hours though, so I’ll suck it up). I’m not sure if I will be writing my blog or not this weekend; it all depends on how much stuff I have to get done. I know I will have to cook a lot, and honestly, I just want to relax a little bit. I run myself ragged all week, and I really need to use at least one day of the weekend to recuperate – which is a lot easier said than done. Competition prep is freaking hard, but thankfully I have some more motivation coming my way – The 2013 Olympia is this weekend and guess who is making her FIRST appearance in the very FIRST Physique Division in the history of the Olympia – that’s right, Dana Linn Bailey. I hope she freaking sweeps that contest and wins it all, because she deserves ever bit of it! Right now, throughout this prep, with everything going on –the thing I am most thankful for is my faith. I thank God every single day that I get the chance to do this – to share my story – to be healthy enough to do what I love – to be able challenge myself and push my body to its limit each day. I’m thankful for the strength, endurance, guidance, my boyfriend, my trainers, my family, my support system, my coworkers, and my clients that God has strategically placed in my life. Each of these factors and people play a vital role in this grueling journey, and because I have all of them who believe in me – I can’t let them down, but more than that - I can’t let myself down. I know this is all about to get a heck of a lot more intense, more tough, more grueling– there will be more struggles, more battles, more times where I want to quit, but I’m not. I’ve come way too dang far to throw in the towel now. Its 35 days. I can do this. If I have to look in the mirror and physically say, “I can do this” over and over and over again to make myself believe I can, then I will. I’m going to do whatever it takes. I’m not promising that I’m not going to be whiney from time to time, and I’m not promising that I will be pumped up and ready to go every day from here on out – what I’m promising is that I won’t back down. I will not settle for second best. I will not allow myself to give up or to be a quitter. I will persevere. I will conquer the fear. I will overcome them“I cant’s” and I will focus on bringing the best package I can. When I got off work yesterday, I headed out to Monster Gym for my daily workout. Not going to lie to you, I was pumped all day, then got on the treadmill (I alternate between that and stairs every now and then) and something came into my head – negativity. My mind started racing; telling me I was too tired – this was my early day – just go home – one day off won’t hurt you – you have other things you need to do. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Then something else popped in my head…It was a simple question, “How bad do you want it?”
Simple as that question was – I made my decision. I threw my headphones on and Rob Bailey’s song, “Try and Hold Me Back” came on. In this song it says over and over again, “F the bottom, I belong at the top.” Those words mean a lot to me – I do belong at the top. I’m better than those voices in my head telling me that I’m not – that I can’t – that I’m too weak. So…I started running, and running, and running. Right after that song came on Eminem’s “Till I Collapse” song came on. At the very beginning of this song it says, “ somtimes you just feel tired, you feel weak when you feel weak, you feel like you just wanna give up, but you gotta seach within you, try adn find that inner strength, and just pull that shit out of you, and get that motivation to not give up, and not be a quitter - no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face." Yupp – that’s what it’s all about. DIGGING DEEP! Searching within yourself, to decide how bad you want it! I don’t know why, but for some reason I have been thinking that I was like 7 weeks out from my competition, and I’m NOT! I’m one day shy of being 5 weeks out. HOLY CRAP! So, yesterday after my treadmill work out, I did the hip/thigh machine (heavy weights), then did another ab circuit that Sandy suggested – seriously intense! As I was putting my headphones back into my bag, I noticed the sweat running down my face, dripping to my bag. My whole body was drenched – literally drenched! I could’ve rung my shirt out from all of the sweat that it had accumulated and there was even sweat pouring down my legs…now THAT is a good workout! I love seeing sweat – I love having a drenched shirt – I love feeling the burn and feeling sore – its immediate proof of your hard work. If you’ve been working out for only a couple weeks, don’t expect to see results right away. You may think to yourself, nothing is working, I can’t see a difference. Well, did you see sweat? Did you feel the burn? Have you felt soreness? IT’S WORKING! Trust me! This is a process, people– not something easily acquired. You don’t get what your mind wishes for – you get what your body WORKS for! As I was leaving Monster Gym, the owner, Paul, approached me – he said something that kind of shocked me. He told me that I was looking really good and that my body had completely transformed. WOW! Paul is not the type of guy to just pass out compliments; he’s more of a “what-you-need-to-work-on”type guy, so to hear that from him was pretty awesome. Leaving the gym, I felt like a champ. I had a dang good workout and now was ready to go home and relax a bit. That didn’t happen though lol On my way home, I realized that I needed to stop by and tan. Tanning before a show can be really beneficial; it helps your skin take the spray tan better, as well as exfoliating at least 1 month before show time – so needless to say, I had to make a few pit stops and Wal-Mart was one of them (I freaking HATE Wal-Mart)! I pulled my buggy up to the register with it all loaded up of food for the rest of the week and a little more for next week, my new flavors of coffee, and my bath stuff. I started unloading everything onto the conveyor belt when I noticed the young lady checking me out was staring at me. I looked up at her and she said, “Wow. You look like you work out a lot.” Lol I started laughing and told her that I did and we began a small conversation about the gym. As I was leaving the parking lot, I just thought to myself that that was pretty cool. It’s one thing for people you know and are around on a daily basis to have noticed the difference in my body, but to hear from a total stranger that I look fit and that I look like I work out – well, that was awesome. This may not mean much to you, and you may be thinking, so what that’s not a big deal. Well, it’s a big deal to ME and I’ve worked hard for this, so I’m going to soak it in! By the time I got home, I noticed a bunch of house work that needed to be done, so I started cleaning, doing laundry, and did the dishes. I also decided to go ahead and cook enough of my food to get me through this Sunday, since I will be away from home the majority of the weekend. PREPARATION IS KEY –I can’t stress that enough. After cooking my food and showering, I sat down to watch the newest episode of Sons of Anarchy that I had to miss on Tuesday, and then it was back up again to cook some more, and get my gym bag and food all prepared in their containers for Thursday. I started to feel a little hungry waiting on my last couple of meals, so in between them I had some of my homemade popsicles, and chewed A LOT of Extra Dessert gum. I swear I have every flavor that they have ever invented. I ended up getting into bed pretty late, and I slept in for the last time this week (boo)! Today, after work, I will be training legs with Sandy. I love training legs, but now I really have to be aware of my body, especially my lower back while training, because I can’t afford to have a relapse and have it set me back in any way; it’s too close to my competition for any slack. After my leg work out today, I get to take on that god awful devil machine, yet again, for another 40 minutes…then of course, no surprise, I will have the hip/thigh machine and ab work left to do. Something occurred to me yesterday that I really haven’t paid much attention to (until I stopped to actually think about it); I have quite a bit of people who will be attending my show in support of me. This means that these people are taking time out of their weekend (opening day of deer season, none the less) to attend my show. Many of them have already bought their tickets, and gotten their hotels booked since it is out of town. All of these people will be driving over 2.5 hours to be in attendance to show support of me. Whoa! That is insane to me, and I will never be able to explain how grateful I am for this. I definitely have a good support system behind me and I’m extremely thankful for you all. Today, again, I’m kicking ass with my diet! Of course, I get hungry every now and then…hellooooo GUM, COFFEE, and POPSICLES!! Lol Honestly though, I am so freaking ready for my day to be over with already so that I can go make these leggies GROW! I’m addicted to working out – seriously. I may have a problem. It just gives me this boost of energy and confidence and fulfillment that I can’t even explain. You should all search for something in your life that does that for you! It’s an amazing feeling – and when you have someone in your life who feels the same way about it, well, that makes it even that much better! I feel that changes are soon going to be coming as far as diet is concerned, and yes, I have to admit that I’m a little scared and nervous about them. I know this though; the results are worth the sacrifices! Stepping on stage will make every bit of this journey worth the struggles, the temptations, the cravings, the blood, the sweat, the tears, the doubt, the sense of fear, and the uphill battle that I’ve been on since January…I WILL OVERCOME IT ALL! This journey is tough; it’s grueling, and not everyone can do it – BUT I WILL!! My work day seemed to drag on and on yesterday as I waited to hit the gym. Finally, 5 o’clock rolled around and I could leave. Driving to Monster Gym, I listened to some music and drank my 360 PreWorkout (YUMMM)!! I got to Monster gym right around 5:18 or so, so I decided to go ahead and knock out 10 minutes on the stairs before my training with Sandy. Yesterday we worked chest and biceps. Chest is probably my very lease favorite muscle to work, unless I’m doing bench – which thankfully, we did a lot of yesterday. Biceps are my absolute favorite! Sandy had me work my way up the line of dumbbells starting with the 20’s and I ended up curling 40lbs by the end of the workout! Omg! Big boy weights! I remember when I first started working out with Sulli and could barely pick up the 25’s, much less curl them –and now I can curl 40’s?! That is just insane to me! After working chest and biceps, I climbed up on the stair master and knocked out 30 more minutes. Then, I hit my hip/thigh workouts, and did a pretty intense ab rotation. I usually never struggle with abs, but yesterday, that workout was tough. Tough workouts make all the difference. I have come to the realization that on days where you are dragging, or days that you really don’t want to go to the gym, that’s where the big gains usually happen. Some days I swear I dread crawling out of bed at 3:30am, when most are sleeping - to go workout, but then after I SUCK IT UP and just GO, my day is SO much better and I feel completely relaxed and energized. Days (like today) where I haven’t got to get my workout in yet – these are the days I struggle…because I swear it’s on my mind ALL day – all the stuff I need to get done. Thankfully, I have an early day from work this week, so I will get to leave work around 12:30 or so today. I plan on running into Target and picking up some new flavored ground coffees (guilty pleasure along with popsicles), then going to Monster and putting in some work! Today at Monster, I’m going to do cardio for 40 minutes, then I’m going to hit hips/thighs, and abs pretty intensely. My outer hips are my weakest point on my body right now, so I really have to work hard at shaping them for these next 37 days. I know that sounds crazy – but these judges don’t play, and they will be literally judging every single inch of my body on stage –comparing it to all of the other girls next to me, so it’s really time to buckle down and put in the work. I didn’t step on the scale this morning – and I’m not even worried about it! CRAZY for me! Lol This morning was quite an interesting one to say the least, and I feel like most people would be in such a crappy mood if they had had the morning that I did, but guess what…NOT LETTING IT BRING ME DOWN! I woke up LATE because my alarm never went off (WTH?!) and so I missed the gym early this morning, talk about feeling annoyed. Anyway, so there went that – no biggie, I can do it after work. While eating my delicious breakfast this morning and drinking my coffee from my FNF mug that Sulli got me (MY FAVORITE COFFEE MUG), I spilled over half my cup of coffee. I’m talking it went all over my night stand, and down onto my carpet. I just sat there for a minute, looked at it, and thought…really, what else? Then, I quickly changed my mindset – got up, cleaned it, and decided to let it go. What good is it going to do to be in a pissed off mood all day? It’s not. Driving to work today, my mind started wondering – like it always does. I was thinking about a lot of stuff, but mainly about how most people my age are completely different from me. Most people my age are going out every single weekend, getting high or getting drunk, driving impaired, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and being lazy. I’m honestly proud of myself for the choices that I have made in life thus far. I graduated college with my BA in Business Marketing in 3 years, and literally had no life at all during those three years, but that was my choice - I wanted in and out and that’s just what I did. I didn’t go out, I didn’t get trashed, and I didn’t make crappy grades. Once I was finished with school, (which was my main goal back then), I didn’t really have anything else to work towards…plus I felt miserable about my appearance. Insert Monster Gym and a new outlook on life. I’m not telling any of you what to do…in fact, I could honestly care less – it’s your life and they are your decisions to make. If you want to be lazy and eat whatever you want, then do it. If you want to work out and be healthy, then do it. If you are too busy with work and your family to fit anything else in, then make the best of those things you can do and do have – family is always number 1! Life is about a lot more than this competition to me – but this competition prep and this whole journey in general has truly changed MY life. It has taught me a lot about myself. I have realized my self-worth. I have found out that I am a strong person, much stronger of a person that I could have ever imagined. My point here is this – don’t start working out or eating healthy just because I am – or because someone you know is – or because you want to look better than someone else – or because you want to fit in. DO IT FOR YOU! If you start a journey like this because of someone else, then you will fail. If you are trying to “compete” with someone else and your heart isn’t in making this big of a life change, then you will fail. If you want to be a BETTER you, if you are working to become the BEST version of YOURSELF that you can possibly be, THEN YOU WILL SUCCEED. You’ve got to truly want it for YOURSELF in order to make it through this – Good news is, there are many people who will be in support of you, and even more who won’t be, which is even better…YOU GET TO PROVE THEM WRONG! So, time and time again throughout this whole blog, I have constantly said that I will focus on my PROGRESS, and not on my PLACING on stage – and I will. However, don’t for a second think that somewhere in the back of my mind I don’t think it would be freaking awesome to place at my first show. That would be so cool – but I’m honestly still looking at it like this: If I don’t place – awesome, I still look good enough to even step on stage. If I do place – icing on the cake! I’ve hear a lot about girls who are focused so much on winning that when they don’t place, they are extremely disappointed, and get super upset and down on themselves. Mark my words…I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO ME! If I end up upset, I’m only letting it last 5 minutes and then it’s over– done – onto the next. With all of that being said, I’m doing awesome with my dieting and my NO CHEATS and I haven’t waivered not once. Sure I see things that look good and smell good…but NOTHING is going to stop me or get in my path! NOTHING! I’ve got 37 days left and that’s it! I can do this! To the two clients I train that are doing a NO CHEAT with me for these last 37 days – yall freaking ROCK! Thank you for showing your support! I’m so proud of both of –from where you have already come, to where you will go! I’m FIGHTING FOR IT, people…are you?? Working my favorite muscle @ Monster Gym last night! <3 GROW BABIES, GROW!! Yesterday after work, I headed out to posing practice with Kim at Monster Gym. I changed into my “barely there” figure suit and headed for the back room. We worked on my mandatory poses, and my model poses…big difference between the two. I was in posing for about 30 minutes or so, and I feel like it was a really productive session. I learned things that I need to tweak and I learned my strong points. Also, I felt a little more comfortable in those ridiculous shoes that I have to wear. Kim had a lot of great things to say about my physique thus far, but also gave me some constructive criticism –which I’m always thankful for. After my posing session, I went out into the lobby and talked with Sulli and Tiny (his coach) for a while, and then it was time to leave. On my way home, I started reflecting over everything. I really can’t say enough how blessed I feel that I have been, and I’m seriously ready to take this thing by storm! Once I had gotten home, I was getting all of my stuff prepared when I got a phone call and had to go handle some stuff, so I ended up getting back home kind of late – needless to say, I was not able to move my ab machine into room last night, and I let myself sleep in this morning – which my body is extremely thankful for today lol Last night, I was told I could have 2 of my favorite things ever food wise; cilantro and onion. I got pretty creative with the two and whipped up some good “toppings” for my meals. It’s funny, because before, I would just get upset and feel like I couldn’t have anything, but then I realized that there are ways around it; there are ways to still have only what you are allowed to, but different ways to make the things you have to eat, so it feels like you are having a little variety, when in reality – you’re not. Anyway, my little concoctions are freaking yummy! So, this morning I had to weigh in, and although I’m not back down to my “post cheat” weight, I’m pretty close. Woohoo! So, I weighed, and then put the scale up – and it’s not coming out again until Thursday! I’ve realized that over these last couple days of not weighing that I haven’t been so stressed out about it – not that it would matter anyway, because my coaches obviously know what they’re doing – but again, that’s just the control freak in me. This morning as I was getting ready to leave the house, I was grabbing my ice packs from the freezer to put in my meal prep bag, and they fell to the floor. I bent down to pick them up and something caught my eye…A brand new container of Blue Bell Ice Cream – CHOCOLATE PEANUTBUTTER!! Are you freaking kidding me?! CHOCOLATE PEANUTBUTTER?! My two most FAVORITE flavors, all rolled into one…in my house…in a huge freaking BLUE BELL ice cream container! I said, “OH MY GOD” and quickly shut the freezer door. I am CONSTANTLY being faced with challenges, but I’m constantly kicking ass! I’m not a big hotdog fan (unless they’re from NY!!), but last night, my brother made 3 of the biggest freaking hotdogs I’ve ever seen –topped with chili and a ton of sprinkle cheese (YUMMM)…my mouth was watering!! So, I quickly got my dinner ready and retreated to my room. I think a lot of people may be finding me to be “unsocial” lately, because I’m always in my room or by myself – but I can control what is in there. I don’t let crap enter that door. That way, when I walk out into the kitchen and smell or see delicious food, I can just turn around and go back to my room if I’m not feeling strong enough to be around those things. However, I’m going to be real honest – I’m a freaking CHAMP and am not giving in! I’ve been tempted with homemade peanut butter cookies, made from scratch macaroni and cheese, pizza, steak, potatoes, fajitas made by my other family – that are freaking DELICIOUS, chocolate pie, coconut cream pie, burgers, fries, chicken fried steak, baked potatoes…you name it and I’ve been in a room with it, smelling how good it all smells and seeing how delicious it all looks…and you know what? I HAVEN’T GIVEN IN! NOT ONCE! Some of you are probably thinking, why not? What is one tiny bite going to do to you? Truth is, I don’t know what it would do to me, but what I do know is this…I’m stronger than that crap! That one bite could put me 1 step behind, and I’m not going out like that. I WILL step on that stage at my VERY best! I want to know that I gave it EVERYTHING I have! I want to know that every second of this journey I was focused – had my eye on the bigger picture, and that’s what I’m going to do. If I go out somewhere, I will be prepared…If I want to go to the movies, you can bet your butt I’m going to go – WITH MY MEALS! Don’t like it? Oh well! Think it’s crazy – SO WHAT! Think I care – HELL NO! I’m in this thing for ME –not for anyone else, so as much as I want to help you all out on your journey –I have to be a little selfish and focus on ME! ßSome great advice I received earlier today. I have many people in my life who mean a lot to me and help me with the struggles of this journey – but there is one person’s opinion that is valued more than he will ever know – he’s by far my BIGGEST critic, but for some reason, I respect the things he says. This guy can tear me down, be brutally honest with me, even make me upset at times, but you know what? I need that from time to time and he knows that. This guy’s words are always real and always honest. He’s like a big brother to me and will be the first one to put me in check if I need it. A lot of people will never understand our bickering back and forth, and the relationship that we have, but that’s ok – it’s not for them to understand – heck, sometimes even I don’t understand it. Patrick gets on my last freaking nerve at times, and even makes me mad, but I love him and his family so much. I’m truly thankful for the tough love, sarcastic comments, criticism, and “mean” things he’s constantly sending my way lol Motivation comes from people all around you, but at the end of the day, it isn’t about what anyone has said or hasn’t said to push you through – it’s not about having someone you look up to or not – it’s not even about me showing you all that I can (which I will) – It’s about showing MYSELF that I can. It’s about ME, PROVING TO MYSELF that I was worth this – that I worked my butt of for it – that I DID THIS! So…today is a new day, a new challenge, a new adventure –and I’m ready for it. After work today, I’ll be heading out to Monster Gym for my training with Sandy from 5:30-6:00pm, and afterwards I will be getting in a whopping 40 minutes on that dreadful devil machine – then of course I’ll hit abs and hip/thighs pretty hard. Working out is more than just “working out” to me –it’s my stress reliever – it’s my watching tv and relaxing – it’s my “fun” time for the day. Again, this all may make no sense at all to you – it may annoy you– you may wonder why in the heck I’m doing this to myself, but AGAIN…this is MY journey – not yours. Make Changes – make your own journey! Me and Patrick - The "Meanie" in my life! lol WOOHOO!! I’m officially in the 30’s with the countdown!! Friday after work, I headed out to Monster gym for training with Sandy, and before we started our session, she wanted me to put on my figure suit and take a few pictures posing. She needed these pictures for her records, and so that her and Nate could really study them and see what we needed to focus in on. I absolutely LOVE my figure suit! It’s red, crystal, and blue and is themed “Texas.” Sulli and I drove up to San Antonio about a month ago and went to a shop to pick it out, and I knew that was the one as soon as I laid my eyes on it. I had been searching the store’s website for weeks at this point, but kept going back to this particular suit. I showed the picture of the suit to the lady, and she immediately knew where it was. While I was checking out at the register, I found out that the lady who had gotten the suit down for me was the one who had actually created. She told me there was only one made and that she had made it for a trade show exhibition in Austin. That suit symbolizes so much to me; it shows off where I’m from, it shows support of my boyfriend who works for the state and most of all, it’s very bold – just like my decision to enter this competition. So, I put my suit on and ran into the back room of Monster Gym so that Sandy could snap some pictures and then I changed into my workout clothes, and began working back. Sandy told me that I was looking really good, and that she and Nate would be going over the pictures a little later on and that she would be getting back to me with feedback. Later that night, I received a message from Sandy letting me know how impressed both she and Nate were with the progress that I had made already. Both of them feel that I am right on track – whew! What a relief to hear that! lol I truly am in the best of hands with the two of them! Saturday morning me and Sulli headed out to his competition and were there until about 7:30pm or so. I was on the go all day, so of course I had my Isolator meal prep bag loaded up with all of my many meals. I sat there eating and waiting on Sulli’s event to come up, and around 11:30 or so the bench press portion started – my favorite! The way it works is this; each lifter gets 3 attempts. If the lifter is going for a state or national record, AND they make their third attempt lift, that lifter can lift a fourth time. Sulli walked out to Rob Bailey’s “Hold Strong” just like always – and it was on. His first lift was 425lbs and it went up ridiculously easy. Second lift was attempting 475lbs…again, flew right up. Sulli came walking up for his third lift (the one we’d been waiting for all day). This was the lift that we wanted him to get BAD! This lift was the determining factor or him receiving another record. He came walking out and I saw it in his eyes – he wanted this BAD. The bar was loaded to 505 and AGAIN, he threw it up! YES! That’s my guy…receiving ANOTHER TX State Record! We were all screaming and yelling and carrying on when we realized that he was going to go for ANOTHER record with his next lift – he would be attempting 518.1lbs. Again, he came out there fearless and made that bar fly! 518.1lbs BENCH PRESS!! Holy crap! In the end he received 2 state records, and 1 national record. I can’t even begin to explain how proud of him I was/am. After Sulli’s competition we headed out for my last cheat meal until this competition is over, and I have to be honest with you; it was dang good, but boy did I feel sick. I know that a lot of you are probably thinking“Duhhh. You eat healthy all the time; of course you’re going to get sick when you eat crappy.” Well, truth is, I have only ever gotten sick from a cheat meal like 3 times from when I began this whole process back in January. Saturday night just happened to be one of them. I had about half a burger and felt like I was going to throw my guts up, but of course, this was my last cheat meal and I wanted some frozen yogurt, so we went to a local Menchies. For those of you who don’t know me, frozen yogurt is my VERY FAVORITE and I could literally eat it every single day. I fill my cup up every single time I have it and I ALWAYS finish it all! Well, we got in the truck and were eating our yogurt when it hit me…I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t eat it. No more. I finished about one third of it and we trashed it. It was my last cheat, it was over so fast, and I was feeling sick…cool. By the time I got home, my tummy had settled a little bit and it was time for bed. Waking up the next morning and stepping on the scale, I felt immediately depressed – duhh…this shouldn’t have shocked me. Any time you eat healthy all week, and then have a cheat meal, you can expect to put on quite a bit of extra weight. This is usually a ton of water weight and should be gone within a few days. Basically, I’m ready for those few days to be up so that I can go back to my “post cheat” weight lol Oh well, I will get there. As of now, I will only be weighing when instructed to (Tuesdays and Thursdays). This is going to be extremely hard for me, because I’m such a control freak and like to know every single detail of every little thing, but I’m really going to try my hardest to not let this get to me. Over the weekend, I was chatting with some of my clients and they did something that completely shocked me. They told me that in support of me on this journey that they were going to stand behind me and do a NO CHEAT until the day of my competition – just like me. Whoa! That meant the world to me. To know you have people backing you like this – people who want you to succeed as much as you want to – that makes all the difference. Those ladies made my day and let me know that no matter what, we really are all in this together and I’m truly thankful for them. This morning, my alarm sounded at 3:30am, and it was GYM TIME!! Whoop whoop! Time to get shredded! I arrived and started training at about 4am, and got in a full workout this morning – back, abs, hip/thigh, and cardio! I was completely done and back home by 6:10am; just in time to shower, get ready, and relax while I ate my breakfast. When I was changing to shower, I decided to take Sulli’s advice yet again – he told me if ever I don’t feel good about my weight, to just look in the mirror and flex. So…I did. Don’t make fun of me, people! It helps! Lol Not going to lie though, I was kind of shocked. I still had my turtle-back-tummy going on, with over a ½ gallon of water in my belly and POST cheat meal! SCORE! Immediately, I was like weight schmeight! Lol So…today I am officially only 39 days out from when I will step out on stage and I am freaking PUMPED!! I can’t wait to show you all what I will be bringing to the stage – and I can’t wait to be like a walking advertisement for Nate and Sandy on that day to! I seriously can’t thank my coaches of ProBody and Probody4Her enough for all that they have done, are doing, and for what I’m constantly putting them through – they are simply amazing! I started to kind of freak out right after I had my cheat meal, and then it hit me…39 days!! Before I know it, I will be in the 20’s, then in the TEENS, aggghhhh!! So freaking exciting! Since I’ve completed everything I had to do today workout wise, the only thing on my agenda for this afternoon is posing practice. I moved my posing session to Monday evenings at 5:30pm, so I’ll be spending my afternoon in stripper heels…woohoo!! (SARCASM) lol Posing is really something that I need to work on, and I’m going to start incorporating at least 10-15 minutes of it into my daily routine at home. Also, I’m about to kick this turtleback tummy into OVERDRIVE! I have a decline bench at home, and guess where that sucker is going starting tonight? IN MY BEDROOM!! That’s right…DEDICATION baby!! I’m in this thing! So…speaking of being in this thing – I’ve had A LOT of people asking me lately how I am so motivated, how I got this far, what was my secret, and things of that nature…Well first of all, there is NO secret. It’s called hard work! There’s no magic pill and quite frankly, if someone is searching for a “quick fix” then they might as well just not even start, because in the end, they’re going to end up disappointed. This is not a phase for me – or a fad. It’s not something I’m “going through” or something that just “came to me.” This is the result of hours upon hours spent in the gym – this is the result of smart, healthy eating– this is the result of someone who HASN’T QUIT – someone who saw that she deserved better and freaking went for it! This body that I have worked so hard for didn’t just come to me, I worked for it! HARD! As far as motivation goes, I was at an all-time low, but knew that I deserved better. People thought I was crazy, but I would write motivational quotes anywhere I could – on things that I saw every single day. I have 5 scriptures taped up on the back of my bedroom door. I have pictures up on a motivational board of my progress from January. When I feel down on myself, or think I can’t do this, I look to these things to lift me up. If you’re just starting this journey, start putting up pictures of things you want to accomplish, then once you start making progress, use pictures of YOURSELF to show how far you have come. You will get there – it just takes time, and time for everyone is different. I make sacrifices every single day, and I also struggle every single day, but trust me when I say this; If I can do it, so can YOU! 39 days out...wow! It’s CRUNCH TIME, people! I got this! P.S. Don’t forget to say your prayers for me, please!! :) This morning's "post cheat" turtleback tummy, with over a 1/2 gallon of water in muh belly!! SAY WHATTT??!! :) After work yesterday, I headed out to Monster Gym to get my workout in. I jumped up on the devil machine and started climbing away. I climbed for a total of 40 minutes, and ended up burning around 440 calories. As soon as I finished my cardio, it was time to eat – so I warmed up my food in the kitchen and went and ate meal #5 in the front lobby. Yes, I said meal #5. Many people think the key to losing weight is to not eat as much – that couldn’t be any more wrong. The key is WHAT you eat. You should have at least 5-6 small {healthy} meals per day. So…anyway, after I scarfed down my meal #5, I went back into the gym and climbed up on the hip/thigh machine – did those workouts, then knocked out some ab work. About that time, 5:30pm had approached and it was time to begin my training with Sandy. Yesterday was leg day (and abs) – one of my favorites. I did quite a bit of leg extensions, followed by a freaking bunch of low squats! Once that was over, Sandy took me to the TRX bands and had me do a pyramid workout of pike ups and oblique knee ins. Ya, those hurt, but I LOVE feeling the burn; lets me know I’m really working hard. Once I was done with all of my workouts, I told Sulli bye and headed home. I had to make sure I got home early yesterday, because I had to pack. I’m not going to be home at all tonight, and won’t be getting home until late tomorrow evening after Sulli’s meet. When you’re on a meal plan of any type, but especially on a competition meal plan, you HAVE TO BE PREPARED! That truly is the main thing that I feel causes people to fail at their diets and healthy living – not being prepared. If you aren’t prepared with your meals ready to go, then you will make some excuse and will opt for the “easy way out.”I had to portion out all of my meals for today and for tomorrow, put them all in individual containers, and have them ready to go for the weekend. It really is a lot easier than it sounds, I promise you – so if you’re considering making a life style change that involves a healthy meal plan, don’t freak out…you can do it. After meal prepping, doing laundry, packing my many bags, showering, and eating dinner, I laid down for bed. I talked to Sulli for a little while then went to sleep. My alarm went off at 3:30am and once again, it was gym time. Although… my body just wasn’t feeling it…at all. Remember when I wrote about how bad I had hurt my back about a month ago and had to see a chiropractor and it really affected my workouts? Well…I woke up this morning with an excruciating pain in my back and even had a tingly feeling running down my right leg. Immediately, I thought to myself, “greeeeaaattt.” Can you sense my sarcasm? So, I’m not going to lie - waking up knowing there was no way that cardio was going to happen this morning kind of put me in a bad mood, but I knew that I quickly had to change that attitude, because I promised myself I would look at things more positively and I was not about to have a crappy day – especially starting at 3-freaking-30am! I arrived at the gym to train my client at 4am, and today was her leg day. We began her workouts and had some good conversation, which I’m always thankful for, so thanks Julie! We were each talking about our journeys and about how we knew it was tough, but that we would overcome. I bought her a bracelet from Sandy and Nate's company, Probody4Her (www.probody4her.com) and brought it to her this morning. If you haven’t seen the bracelet I’m talking about yet, it’s kind of like Sandy’s trademark and stands for so much! It is a camouflage, sparkly bracelet with “FIGHT FOR IT” engraved on it in gold. I gave it to Julie. As I watched her smile really big and put it on, I told her that any time she felt weak or anytime she felt like she was alone, to just look down at her bracelet and know that she was not. I told her that I was in this right along with her and that it was ok to struggle – I do to. The most important thing is to overcome. After training her, I came back home and laid down for a while (praying my back would stop hurting). I woke up and headed straight for the scale, not realizing what I was about to see. My weight as of this morning was 111.8! That’s UNDER my “DREAM GOAL WEIGHT” that I had set for myself back in January of this year. Awesome!! So, just like Sulli said – I have now reached my “dream goal” and it’s now time to work towards the next. The next goal is 108, like I have previously mentioned before .The objective here is to lose the fat and weight, while maintaining the muscle that I have worked so hard to build. I know I will reach this goal, because I am in the best of hands with Sandy and Nate. I wanted to touch on something today that most people are already aware of…and that’s “haters.” Haters are the ones in your life who are nothing but negative. These people want to break you down into little pieces and basically walk all over you. They don’t care about your feelings, they don’t care about your accomplishments, they don’t care if you are trying to better yourself – they only care about themselves and they want to see you crash and burn. A hater’s comments can really sting at times, especially if the hater(s) in your life happen to be someone really close to you. While on your fitness journey, these people will be the least likely to commend you for the healthy food choices that you make all week, but the second you are allowed to have your “cheat meal” on the weekend, they will jump down your throat with their negative comments. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen. Sometimes the hardest thing to do while trying to be a better you is to cut out the poison in your life. A lot of people tend to hold on to these people, because they are friends – or even family. Ya, I know it’s hard. Yes, it sucks that it sometimes comes to this. Yes, you may even shed tears over losing these people in your life, but why? Why cry tears over someone who treats you so poorly? Why not have positive influences in your life who want to see you reach all of your dreams? When you finally decide you’re sick of it – when you’re dog tired of feeling beat down – when YOU have decided that YOU are ready to make a life change…CUT THE CORD with the negativity and watch how far you will go. I did this right after high school, and trust me - It has been unbelievable. By cutting the crap out of your life, you’re going to start to realize who is and has really been there for you. Everyone wants to be your friend when you’re at the top. People see your success and they want a piece of it. They see how “good you look” or how “well you’re doing,” but where were these people when you were bawling your eyes out, desperately wishing you could make a change? Where were they when you were scared and feeling so insecure? Were they helping, or were they really hurting you? Did they push you up, or pull you down with them? Did they support you when you told them you wanted to change, or did they bash every idea you had? It’s really important to know the difference between the ones who are greedy, and the ones who are gracious. I know you are all probably sick to death of hearing me talk about Sulli, but honestly, I’m not sorry - I swear I could go on for days! No, our relationship is not perfect by any means and I’m not trying to shove it down anyone’s throat, but I have never in my life had someone like him. He is really the only one I trust my life with, aside from my family. I’ve never allowed myself to be as vulnerable in front of a person before as I have him. Truth is, as twisted as it may seem, some people see other’s vulnerability and they completely take advantage of it. Sulli has never done that with me. He’s been more than I could have ever asked for in a person, a partner, and a friend. I thank God for blessing me with him – for realizing that I needed someone to lean on, to share my deepest thoughts and insecurities with, someone to help push me toward any dream or goal that I ever wanted to accomplish, and someone to kick my butt and put me in check when I need it. I truly wouldn’t be where I am right now –wouldn’t have accomplished what I have – wouldn’t have the things that I do – and wouldn’t have the drive to get to where I’m going without the people that have been strategically placed in my life. Take some time to think to yourself, to reflect on the things that you are going through, and please…if you are being surrounded by negativity, cut that crap out of your life! Since letting you all in on what’s going been on with me and my journey, I’ve heard from quite a few of you. Please continue to ask me any question you may have and I will be more than happy to help in any way possible. You can contact me directly through the “email me” link on my home page :) Also, as I have mentioned in my previous blog posts, tomorrow Sulli will be competing in his last local powerlifting meet before he lifts at World’s in Reno. His meet will probably begin early in the morning and we will most likely be there until late tomorrow evening – then it’s off to have my last cheat meal. Since we will be at the powerlifting meet all day Saturday, I will not be posting a blog. This meet is a big deal to Sulli and I, and he deserves my full support and attention…and that’s just what I’m going to give him. Hope you all understand! Also, Sunday is a TEXAN game day and we will be at some of our family’s house, so I will not be posting Sunday either – Don’t worry though, I promise to catch you all up on Monday! Sunday will begin a whole new ball game where this competition prep is concerned…and Sunday is when the real challenges will begin. I will probably have bad days; tough days even, but I WILL power through them. Just as each of you are reading this and following along for motivation and support, please know that I will need that as well. Say a few prayers for me, please! I’m going to hang my DLB poster up in my room this weekend, to remind myself to SHOW THE WORLD WHO I AM. I just want to seriously thank you all for being a part of this with me. It’s a tough road, but I’m tougher! Dream Goal: ACCOMPLISHED!! On to the next!! If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail! <3 Here's what planning ahead, dedication, and determination looks like! So...it has now been a couple of days since I last heard from DLB – and I have to tell you, I’m still in shock over the whole situation. From reading my blog, and reading the previous days that led up to those exciting events, you could probably all tell that my motivation and drive had been completely compromised. My “45 Days Out” post was where I basically snapped back
into it and BAM – enter Dana. It was super easy for me to be motivated with all of her responses and emails back and forth, and now that they have slowed down…I’M STILL IN THIS!! Often times, it’s extremely easy for us to feel so weak within ourselves that we look to others to lean on – we look to them for support and guidance. There is nothing in the world wrong with this, but what happens when that “support” isn’t there? What happens when you lay your head on your pillow at night and it’s just you, your thoughts, and the darkness? I know personally, there have been many times (more times than not) that I have cried myself to sleep feeling down on myself, or feeling pitiful. These times have been few and far between lately, though. (Yay!) I felt those feeling of sadness a lot, especially earlier this year – back in January before I had decided to make this life change. I was scared, terrified even. What if I failed? What if I couldn’t lose the weight? What if I NEVER got back to my “high school” body? What if I never gained my confidence back and always felt insecure with myself? Your mind can be a weapon…of support or rejection. Don’t worry though – there’s a SECRET that I want to share with you all…YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR MIND! No, I am not perfect by ANY means. I fall, I slip up time to time. I even let my mind beat myself down at times, but in the end, I get right back up. If I’m being completely honest with you all (which I promised myself I would be throughout this whole blog), then I must say that I was terrified for ANYONE to know what I had been working on and what I had been working towards. Entering this competition has been the boldest move I think I have ever made, with any decision. It’s scary, because I am putting myself out there, completely. I will have to walk on a stage on November 2ndand be in front of hundreds of people wearing LESS than a string bikini and 5 inch heels. I will have to stand right beside women who will have probably been doing this for WAY longer than me. To some of these women, it will be their 3rd, 4th, or even 5th competition…and this is just my first. These women will most likely be hours of training, and months of dieting ahead of me – and I will be the one playing catch up. Judging will be quite scary, especially this first time around. The judges will be judging every single inch of my body – what woman would feel 110% confident with this? I don’t know of a single person who wouldn’t be a little scared or nervous. However, what I do know is this – I’m not going to worry about WINNING. I’m not going to worry about the stupid heels that I have to wear. I’m not going to worry about the fact that I will be tanned a color tone that looks completely unnatural. I’m not going to worry about the fact that more than half of my butt will be hanging out of the TINY little bottoms that I will have to wear – and I’m DEFINTELY not going to worry about comparing myself to any of the other girls. I know that the girls who just read that last part probably rolled their eyes, because “it’s in our nature” to compare ourselves to other women, right? Ummm…NO! STOP doing that! I swear I think that’s to blame for why I have beat myself up so much over the things that I have concerning my weight and my appearance. The truth is that yes, we can have goals. Yes, we can choose what we want our body to look like. Yes, we can have a role model that we look up to and idolize. HOWEVER – there is not one single person in the world like YOU. YOU chose your own path, YOU chose your own destiny –YOU chose the way you want to look. Chances are you will NEVER look exactly like that person that you put on a pedestal though. I’m not saying you won’t get in shape, feel better, or even look better. The point I’m trying to make is this…focus on being the BEST version of YOURSELF that you can be. You will never feel satisfied if you are constantly comparing yourself to someone else. So, knowing and realizing this now, I am really taking something that Dana said to me to heart; she wrote me and told me to focus on the best package I could bring to the stage – and I’m going to do just that. I’m going to focus on PROGRESS, not on PLACING. THAT is how I know I will win in my mind. Heck, I already have won, because LOOK HOW FAR I HAVE COME! Being from a small town, where everyone knows everyone, and people want to be ALL up in your business – I was scared. I was scared to let anyone in on this journey, but especially people of my community. I knew as soon as I hit the “Facebook Share” button on my blog, allowing my Facebook friends to see that I had published a page, that this would no longer be a secret. Truth is – some of the people reading this probably want to see me fail. Some of them probably don’t believe I can do this. Some of them may even be waiting to watch me fall flat on my face. But…then there are the others. I can’t even count how many people have been in contact with me over the last couple of days. The text messages, emails, Facebook messages, and even blog posts that people have sent me have completely surprised me. I have the support of people that I didn’t even know were following my journey. I have been helping others out, just by letting them into my world – WOW! That was the main reason I created this blog, and made this journey public. People have been telling me that I look amazing, that they know I can do this and that they are watching and reading. I even had someone tell me that she had heard around how good I looked – small town gossip lol gotta love it. I realized yesterday that this is more than about just me. I mean yes, I’m doing this for myself, because I want to prove that I can – but it really has become so much more than that. I have so many people standing behind me – waiting to see what my next move will be and for those of you who are watching and or reading, and don’t think I can do this - All I have to say to you is this… WATCH ME! Work for me is about 45-50 minutes away from my house, and each morning I have a routine. I climb up in the Jeep, put my pink blingy coffee mug filled with coffee or tea in the cup holder, I crank up the radio, and turn the heater on. Yes, I realize that it’s hot as crap here in Texas, but I’m ALWAYS cold and I like to feel “toasty” for a little bit lol For those of you who don’t know me, I LOVE rap music –specifically the old school rap, like 50 cent or Eminem. I also REALLY love Usher (Burn and Confessions part two…that’s my jam!!) lol Well, anyway, this morning I was bouncing back between Rob Bailey, Usher, 50 Cent, and Eminem when Eminem’s“Not Afraid” song came on. I love this song all because of this one line: “Ima be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly and to all those who look down on me, I’m tearing down your balcony.” WHOAH! YES! That’s so true for me, my life, and what I’m currently going through. I will succeed, and I will conquer. A few days ago I wrote letting you all know that I felt extremely hungry and upset – that was the day I was at my lowest of lows and wanted to just quit. I found out that day that I would be getting my last cheat meal this weekend, but that my diet was also about to change, it was about to get serious, and I was instructed to start it immediately, the next day. When I say “get serious” that means that more stuff is being cut out of my meal plan – like carbs (MY FAVORITE)! On first instinct when I read that message from Sandy, my heart dropped. How in the crap would I NOT feel even MORE hungry when my carbs were starting to be cut? How? I just didn’t get it. I didn’t see how I would get through it or how I would feel any better about this phase of my diet than the last phase, which I was already struggling with. Well, I started the new phase and I have to tell you –honestly, I haven’t felt like I was “starving” at all – I’ve actually felt kind of satisfied. Yes, there are times when I feel like I could eat – that’ supposed to happen – I’m supposed to feel hungry, because that means my metabolism is PUMPING and that’s exactly what we want. So…as far as diet goes, that’s that. I’m doing pretty good with it all and I’m even trying to have some fun with it – the most fun you can have with boring foods lol I posted a few recipes on my “Healthy Foodies” tab on the home page yesterday. They aren’t life changing recipes or anything like that – they are just recipes that I’ve discovered to help me through these tough times and it gets me out of the same old routine day in and day out. The popsicles though…those are freaking delicious! This morning I slept in until about 6:50am. I know lol I’m shocked too, but my tummy was kinds hurting and I needed some rest. Today, I will be leaving work and heading straight for…you guessed it…Monster Gym! I’m going to try my best to knock out my 40 minutes on the stairs, hip/thigh routine, and my daily ab challenge all before I start my training with Sandy. Some of you may be wondering HOW I’m going to do all of that and still manage to find the energy to do weight training right afterwards. Well…its simple…I want to get home a little earlier, and in order to do that, I need to knock this stuff out. Also, I’m not sure of you can sense it or not, but I’m freaking PUMPED up about all of this – So, I don’t plan on being “drained of energy” or motivation any time soon. When I’m HUNGRY for something – I go after it – whole heartedly– no looking back. If you are someone who is trying to lose weight or get in shape, stop feeling sorry for yourself – stop comparing yourself to others –and stop letting people’s negative thoughts and energy get to you. YOU are better than that. Trust me, like I said before, I know there are people out there just chomping at the bits to see me fail at this, but OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND. A really good piece of advice that I got from my mom back in high school that has always stuck with me was this; Chose your friends wisely, because you are the company that you keep. If you hang out with trash, you start to become trash. If you hang out with success, you are more likely to succeed. If you want to be a positive person and let your light shine, then surround yourself with positive influences. This advice is still very much appreciated in my life and I hope it will become a big part of yours as well. Be strong, get rid of the negativity – it helps no one, yourself included. Be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. This is something I have yet to master, and realistically, I probably never will master it, but you better believe that I am going to try my very hardest to. It’s a big challenge to put out there and to take on, I get that…but how bad do you want this? How much of a difference do YOU want to make? MAKE CHANGES, people – YOU GOT THIS and you’re not in it alone!! P.S. As I was writing this, Dana contacted me on IG – too freaking cool! See, people are watching!! :) So…my day yesterday took quite an interesting turn, just about 3 or 4 hours after I had published the blog for the day and made it viral, I received a phone call from my mom. I answered it and she said, “Hey, I sent you an email and I need your help with something. Can you please take a look at it, and call me soon as you look it over?” Obviously, I said yes. This isn’t unusual for my mom – we are always going back and forth on anything work wise or dealing with anything that involves writing – we seek each other’s approval on a lot, so I was more than willing to take a look for her. I logged onto my Outlook and started reading an email that began with, “Dear Dana Linn.” Immediately, I thought to myself, who does she know named Dana Linn…then I began to read a little further. Excitement grew with every single word that my eyes flew past – My mom had reached out to MY BIGGEST ROLE MODEL EVER for me! The next email that came through was a response email from Bianca, a Flag Nor Fail employee. Bianca told my mom that she would graciously pass them message along, but that since Dana was so extremely busy, she wasn’t sure if Dana would have time to respond. I was freaking out that my mom had even done that, when ANOTHER forwarded email from my mom came through. This time the email began with, “From DLB..” The email said that she was willing to help me in any way possible – even went as far as giving my mom her personal email, saying for me to contact her with any questions or concerns that I had about competition prep and training. I totally FREAKED out! I forwarded the conversation to Sulli and started yelling to my co-workers to come look! Lol They were like, what, no way??!! My whole office was excited right along with me – and I quickly sat down to begin writing her. I finished my email filled with questions, excitement, and shock and pressed send. I mentioned in the email to Dana that I would be leaving work soon, but would love to hear from her – so if she could, to email me on my personal email that comes to my phone. I had just walked out the door, thrown my Pink and Black Isolator meal prep bag (that goes EVERYWHERE with me) into the backseat, and climbed up into my Jeep when my phone vibrated. I looked down and saw that it was an email – NEVER did I think it would be from DANA LINN BAILEY!! HOLY CRAPPPP!!! I’m not going to lie – I literally screamed my head off in the Jeep all by myself lol I called my mom and started crying, telling her about the email and thanking her for reaching out to her. When I emailed Dana, I included a picture of the Motivational Booklet that my mom had created, along with a progress picture of my transformation thus far. The first few lines of Dana’s response to me literally made me bawl – SHE told ME that I was an inspiration myself. WOW! Words cannot ever come anywhere close to describing what those words meant to me. To hear MY role model and inspiration call ME –of all people – an inspiration…It literally left me speechless. Reading her email, and knowing that she took the time to PERSONALLY email ME is still UNBELIEVABLE to me and I still feel like I’m in complete shock. I drove to Monster Gym (trying not to speed) and basically ran in the door, straight to Sulli. Holding my phone up to him to let him read the email, my hands were shaking. About that time, another notification came through - Dana had requested to FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM…OH. MY. GOD. CRAZY!! She’s already liked 2 of my pics by the way – awesome! Of course, I have emailed, text, and called everyone I know telling them about what happened and how cool this is to me, and I feel like I’m living in a dream. Dana has been so nice to me and my mom, and has been emailing BOTH of us back and forth. Dana asked me for a copy of my booklet, and I just sent it in an email this morning. She told me that she wants it to create something to send along with a link to my blog, because she wants people to follow my journey. Again, so freaking cool!! Yesterday at the gym, I KILLED triceps and chest. I was so pumped up that I probably shouldn’t have even had my pre-workout lol I told everyone at Monster Gym and my trainer Sandy was freaking out, too! Lol She kept telling me how pumped I looked – how she could see the motivation in my eyes- she could feel it…and EVERYONE could see it too! After the gym, I went straight home to let my mom ready everything that had been said back and forth between Dana and me and we talked for a while. My mom is simply amazing –and it’s so bad ass to call her MINE! My mom gets me – she sees how important this is and has become to me, and she’s 100% on board. She left me a comment on my blog yesterday that really touched me – she wrote that she was thankful that God had strategically placed everyone in my life that I would ever need. She wrote about being thankful for my trainers, for my boyfriend, and for my drive. It never gets old to hear that your parents are proud of you – that they are thankful for the people in your life – that they know you will succeed. Never. Gets. Old. Thanks mom for doing this – you’re the best, and I love you! This morning, I hit the gym at 4:00am, trained 2 clients, and worked out myself - cardio, abs, and hip/thigh machine. One of my clients has been having a tough time lately, and seemed really down on herself. I tried my best – in the best way possible – to let her know she would be ok. To anyone who is reading this…PLEASE read what I’m about to write VERY carefully… YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT! No, it is not easy! No, it doesn’t happen over night – it doesn’t happen over a week or two – it happens over TIME! Time in general can be different for everyone, yes – but let me ask you this; If you quit today because its “taking too long” are you going to be happy with where you are tomorrow – where you are a week from now, a year from now? I’ll answer that FOR YOU… HELL NO! You have got to DIG DEEP if you want this. If you want to make a change, then FIGHT FOR IT. KNOW your worth – CREATE YOUR WORTH (FNF Stlye!) To hear that people believe in me, makes me believe in myself…and I want anyone reading this to know that I BELIEVE…IN YOU! Please feel free to contact me via the “Email Me” button on my home page of this blog and I will do my VERY best to help you in any way possible! I just want people to understand that you can do anything you set your mind to…it’s not bullshit –it’s the TRUTH. BELIEVE IT. You know, I was really nervous to show anyone my “before”picture that I wrote about yesterday, but last night I started thinking – how can these people reading this take me seriously when they haven’t seen where I came from. So, I took a scary step out of my comfort zone and I posted the pics side by side on my IG, people immediately started blowing it up – and I feel like now, more than ever, they understand. So, for those of you following this blog, I’m attaching that same picture on here today and I hope you can have a better understanding of all of my hard work and struggles. As of right now, my motivation and drive is on another level and I’m ready to freaking KILL my competition come November. I’m gonna train harder than ever and I’m just going to keep giving it my all. I’m going to take PRIDE in knowing how far I have come – and I’m going to take Dana’s advice to me, and focus on bringing my best package to the stage. I’m not going to focus on winning; I’m going to focus on my journey – on how far I have come – on how much further I CAN go. I want to thank all of you for listening to me ramble on a daily basis – and thank you for even being interested in my story to begin with. I am amazed by all of the support that I have gotten lately with all of this. I just feel like I need to do this, so bare with me please; Thank you Sulli for believing me, and pushing me to reach my dreams since day one - even when I didn’t believe in myself, you were always there. I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN! P.S. I can’t wait to watch you reach that 500 club on Saturday! :) Mom, you amaze me every day and I’m so proud of you for reaching your own non-scale victory this morning – You ROCK! You WILL go far mom, YOU can do this! Everyone whose following me…Please keep following – I’m on a journey that I don’t plan on getting off of anytime soon – This is only the begging of a chapter….AND I’M WRITING A FREAKING SERIES, so get ready!! Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram, too: Mandie12W Hope you all have a great day…and GET MOTIVATED to make a change – whether it be in your own life, or someone else’s… MAKE CHANGES!! MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! <3 Here's my progress from January 10th, 2013 - September 16th, 2013.. It's only the beginning! It’s so funny to me how you can feel completely on top of the world one minute, and then feel like you’re in the lowest of lows the next. Life is a crazy thing, and it really does get tough at times.. Yesterday, after writing my blog, I was sitting at work, waiting on customers, when there was a switch that went off. All of a sudden I just got so upset. I had heard my stomach growl and I immediately LET myself believe that I was “starving.” I just felt so freaking hungry all of a sudden and my mind started racing. I started thinking things that are totally untrue, and unlike me. I felt pity for myself and was completely over this whole competition prep – in those 30 minutes of weakness, I wanted to throw in the towel. I wanted to walk away. I wanted to just give up. I text Sulli, my trainer – Sandy, my mom, Ang, my co-workers, basically anyone who would listen – I told them I was struggling and was having a bad day. Of course all of these people were there for me and immediately started in with the “pep” talks. However, one message I got really stuck out…it was from Sandy. She told me that it wasn’t going to get any easier – she said to power through, or to quit. Now, to some of you, you’re going to think that this was “rude,” but that is the complete opposite of what that comment was. That’s our relationship – that is someone who wants to see me succeed – that’s what I like to call “Tough Love.” Tough love can come from anyone, and anywhere, and if you aren’t careful, it’s easy to take those comments personal. The key is to know who is speaking. I’ve gotten tough love from everyone around me, and no, I haven’t always taken it in the right context…but looking back now, I get it. I understand what the real meaning was. I respect those people, and I appreciate their tough love – I really do. So after basically having a breakdown yesterday, I left work and headed for the gym. If anything can get my mind off of stress and a bad day, or being in a bad mood – it’s the gym. Sometimes you really just have to shut up, suck it up, put on your headphones, and take it out on the weights. Boy, did I. Yesterday was biceps day (one of my favorite!) I did a mixture of curls, hammer curls, concentration curls, and muscle man cable curls. Plus, I saw veins!! (Wooohooo!!) Then, I followed up with some abs, and hip/thigh machine workouts. I was in and out of the gym within about 40-45 minutes – that’s the benefit of knocking out cardio in the mornings. Plus, if you’re doing what you should be, you shouldn’t have to be killing your muscles for hours on end every single gym session. Finishing my workout, I went to tan, then home to shower, eat, relax, and watch TV. I was told yesterday that I will most likely be getting a cheat meal this weekend, but that this would be my LAST one ever until after my competition. This means as of Saturday (when I will have the cheat), that I will only have 41 days left until my competition. Getting that news, and realizing I only have that short amount of time left – I took a turn. I decided to SUCK IT UP! I will have the cheat Saturday, then I will bust my butt for the next 41 days – I will put in the time, the effort, the sweat, the tears, all of it…I WILL do this. I was in my kitchen preparing my food for Tuesday when my mom pulled in. My mom always knows what to say or do when I’m down, and I had already decided that as soon as I saw her, I was going to ask her to give me some scriptures to lean on, or to write me out some words of encouragement or something of the sort that I could look back on, especially on days like the one I was having. The front door opened and my mom walked straight into the kitchen. This was strange, because she always goes straight to her room to change first. She walked up the stairs and told me to finish what I was doing, and to wash my hands – she said she had something for me. I was literally about to ask her right then for the advice and motivational things when she held up a booklet… I saw that it was a handmade booklet with light purple ribbon ties holding each page together. On the front of the booklet, it read in big letters, “YOU GOT THIS!!” I immediately knew that my mom had sensed my frustration, disappointment, and struggles from my texts to her earlier – this is where my mom always comes to the rescue. She {again} knew exactly what I needed. I turned the first page and it said, “For Mandie…One of my biggest inspirations.” The tears started falling as I flipped the page to find a letter from my mom. In the letter she mentions my whole family and how I have impacted each of their lives with this fitness journey that I have embarked on. She wrote that I had had a huge impact on her, my dad, and even my little brother – and that because they had seen all of my hard work and dedication, that it has made each of them want to become better. WOW! See, just like I said yesterday, you NEVER know who is really watching you. (I should take my own advice!) I flipped past the first page, and my eyes widened. Those of you who have been following along with this blog from day one probably remember me mentioning Dana Linn Bailey. She and her husband Rob Bailey are HUGE inspirations to Sulli and me. Well, Dana quickly became my BIGGEST role model this year. She is a physique competitor and her body is freaking insane! Some people think Dana has “too much” muscle, I think she has literally worked her butt of for the body that she has – and she should continue to show it off! Screw what anyone else says as long as SHE is happy! (P.S. I think she looks like a total bad ass!) Anyway, it’s not hard to see that she puts in work – every single day. Her drive is out of this world, yet she struggles just like the rest of us. She overcomes, and makes me want to do the same. So…I flipped the page, my eyes widened, and there it was…My mom has created a whole page of motivation - one for each day of the week –spread out throughout this whole booklet. Each page contains a different picture of Dana, a scripture, and an explanation of that scripture. See, told you my mom always knows what to do! This just goes to prove my point yesterday, that people are watching you – they are watching to see if you will fall, they are watching to see if you will succeed – they want to know how you overcome things, what motivates you, how you continue on in the most difficult of circumstances…My mom was paying attention. She knew Dana has had a huge impact on my life and she specifically chose pictures of HER to help me. My mom also knows that I truly 100% believe that my strength comes from the man upstairs. God has given me strength throughout this year that I never even knew I was capable of holding. Bring on the scriptures! I am learning more and more, with each passing day, that I really have to learn to let go. Yes, by all means I will take complete control of those things in which I am capable of, but as far as things that are out of my reach – and out of my control go…well, that’s where I have to throw my hands up and give it to God. He has never steered me wrong, and I know he won’t start now. For someone who is so strong-willed and driven, releasing control is a struggle in itself, but I really and truly am going to try my best to do that. I’m going to learn to lean on God, not on my own understanding. (Bear with me people – it’s going to be a process!) Sulli told me something the other day that I was reminded of when I was reading my booklet from my mom – he said that one of the most attractive things about me, and one thing that he has always admired about me was my will, my drive, and my determination. I listened to him, and I remember thinking to myself, “that’s funny, because that is EXACTLY, word for word, how I feel about you.” Well, this morning I was showing my co-worker, Veronica (the one I wrote about yesterday) the booklet that my mom made me (she made me a “travel one” too lol that way my actual booklet wouldn’t get ruined and I can carry this one around). Veronica was reading away, when she pointed at something my mom had written, “ Your “never quit” attitude WILL take you places that you never even dreamed possible.” Veronica said, “I completely agree with this statement. 100%. You have no clue what you are capable of.” She then went on to tell me how much of an impact I have had on HER life – how cool is that? She told me because of watching me go through all of this, that she decided she could also become better – she said that because of me, she knew she could do it. She told me that she’s not afraid, because she knows that she can lean on me. WOW! I can’t tell you how many times lately I have heard different versions of this…and its all directed towards my will power and drive – the 2 biggest things I need to get through these last 45 days. Ironic? I don’t think so. God knows all – he knew I’d be going through this…and look at all that I’ve heard lately. Last night after looking through my booklet, eating dinner, and watching TV, I was texting Sulli, my support group (Ang, Rose, Jenn, & Aunt J), Sandy, my 2 clients (Christy & Julie), and my friends (Veronica & Olga). Each of us have had our own struggles on our journey to a healthier life and I wanted to share something with them that I haven’t shared with anyone before –I showed them my “before” picture. I used an app on my phone and placed the “before”picture right beside my “in progress” picture – its called “in progress” cause I know I’m going farther. I plan on getting better and better. Each of their responses was astounding to me – it wasn’t hearing about how good they thought I looked – it wasn’t about the “wow’s” or the “you go girls’s,” it was about the important thing – the reason that I started this whole blog to begin with – it was about the messages that said that I motivated them. I wanted these people to see that hard work really does pay off. It is not a quick fix. There is no magic pill. No secret diet. It is simple…eat clean, train mean, and MAKE CHANGES! GET RESULTS! Work hard and the reward will be YOUR OWN “in progress”picture. My phone was blowing up last night with all of us talking about what’s next to come for all of us – how inspired we all were – how we’re ready to take it up a notch and go to that next level. Sandy even messaged me saying that another trainer from the gym had paid her, me, and Nate a pretty big compliment– saying how great I looked and that they were doing an awesome job with me. Man…I was so pumped up last night, and still am! THIS is how I want to feel the rest of the time – THIS is the mood I want to be in for these next 45 days and I’m seriously going to work super hard to hold myself accountable to that – and I CHALLENGE YOU TO DO THE SAME! This morning I woke up at 4:30 and was at the gym by 5am. Since I had no clients, I could’ve easily slept in, and just done my cardio and stuff after I train with Sandy tonight at 6:00, but NO WAY – I was going to get it done, DARK and EARLY lol I took on the devil machine for 40 minutes this morning, did hip/thigh workouts, and knocked out my daily ab challenge. I came home and made my breakfast - I started a new phase of my meal plan today –slowly cutting out the carbs. It has become a whole new ball game as of today – time to buckle down! On another note, I’m really looking forward to this weekend for a few reasons; 1) I’m excited to have this cheat meal and get it over with –some of you won’t understand this “get it over with” comment, but its ok – I will explain lol I want to have it and get it over with, so that I can seriously focus on what is important to me…stepping on stage, showcasing ALL of the sacrifices and hard work that I have encountered. Knowing that this will be my LAST cheat meal until after I have stepped on stage means that I am now mentally prepared. I know that this is my last one – I know that things have been taken to another level – I know that its crunch time – I know that it’s time to get down to it – It’s time to get my mind right, and FOCUS – TIME TO MAKE CHANGES - I’m ready to not only enter into this thing…I’m ready to OWN it! 2) This weekend Sulli will complete in his last local WABDL meet before he lifts at World’s in Reno (just a few days after my competition in Austin). I know by watching him that I will become even more motivated – so watch out! I don’t know why, but there’s just something about watching him walk out to Rob Bailey’s Hold Strong song; his powerlifting suit and bench shirt on, mouth piece in, and wrist wraps wrapped so tightly that his hands slightly change colors. I KNOW he loves this. I KNOW he has fun with it. I KNOW he will succeed. I cannot freaking wait to watch him throw that weight up on Saturday, and set some more records! Talk about inspiring. Sulli works a full time job – a very serious one – and he loves his job. But guess what? He wanted more out of life –so what did he do? He decided to make some goals…insert bench pressing. He’s found his passion and I am so attracted to that. HIS will-power motivates me. HIS all or nothing attitude drives me. HIS “Hold strong” and “Never Settle”outlook on life AMAZES me…and because I see him succeed, I want to succeed as well. 3) I’m hanging up my DLB (Danna Linn Bailey) poster up in my room this weekend. Sulli got me this poster back in July for our 3 year anniversary – we’re totally not your typical couple, and I LOVE that about us. This poster is blunt…it is honest. It’s a picture of Dana on stage doing side lateral raises in front of hundreds of people, with lights beaming down on her –showcasing ever muscle in her body – the poster says, “Show the world who the fuck you are.” Sorry about the cuss word – but DANG, THAT’S A POWERFUL STATEMENT. When Sulli gave me that poster, I took some time and had to let it all sink in…That was more than him giving me a poster for our 3 year anniversary. That was Sulli’s way of telling me he’s proud of me – of telling me he wants to see me do this thing – It’s his way of letting me know he wants to show me off…he wants ME to show the world who I AM! He wants the WORLD to know about ME! Seriously, wow! You can’t tell me God didn’t have him sent STRAIGHT for me! This weekend will be tons of fun – yes, but for now, I have to get through today, and 3 more days after that…so, in the meantime, I plan on keeping this positive attitude. I’m so freaking motivated right now it’s ridiculous. I feel UNSTOPABLE! I know something is bound to be thrown my way – something or someone will try to bring me down…but guess what? I’M NOT GOING TO LET IT HAPPEN!! I am stronger than this – I’m stronger than the cravings – I’m stronger than the crappy self-pity that I sometimes feel – I am Mandie Walters…and I AM MAKING CHANGES!! You can either get on board, or get out of the way!! The booklet my mom made me, paired with a great quote from Henry Rollins! |
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